Method Mystery

Approaching someone you really like can be one of the most daunting things you will ever experience. The fear of rejection is something almost all of us can relate to. However, that rejection is only frightening if you start attaching value to the person you approach before you even know them, if you give them the power to reject you.

Let’s imagine for a moment we’re dealing with a stranger you’re not attracted to; would you care if they rejected you? Now, while it may get a small response it’s no-where near as scary as someone we’re attracted to, because we don’t value their opinion as much. Still, the difference between rejection from someone you find attractive and someone you don’t is created by you. When you are attracted to someone you subconsciously give them the power to reject you should they so wish. Ironically not only does that create a sense of fear in you, it also helps to make them less attracted towards you. They unconsciously pick up the power you have given them, they can tell that you have made yourself available to them, as people we tend to attach more value to things that they have to work a bit to achieve. If they know they can get you without putting in any effort, you aren’t as attractive as someone they have to work hard to get.

So how can we change this? Again it all starts with you.

Ask yourself some questions. If you were with someone that was beautiful but treated you badly, or even worse treated people you care about badly, would you want them? What if they had poor hygiene, or hurt little animals? The fact is that from the beginning we know very little about someone aside from their physical beauty. Therefore until you actually get to know them, there’s no sense in giving them this high value based on this one external characteristic.

It’s about your attitude when you meet new people; begin speaking to someone not to get their phone number, or to get a date, but do for the experience of meeting someone new. Decide if you’re really interested after you know more than the way they look. If they turn out not to be a nice person, and treat you badly, why would you even want them in your life? If however they are friendly, and they are approachable, then maybe you can begin to look towards taking things further. Of course you’ll only get to know this once you start speaking to them, and by then you’re already well into the conversation by which time there’s nothing left to be afraid of!